The Energy of Change: How I Rebuilt My Life from the Ground Up
I used to be someone who sacrificed even my most basic need if it meant I could help someone else. I thought that was the point of being on the planet. To sacrifice all to help others, even if it meant that I paid the price. Unfortunately, it created a response to seek external validation and caused me to lose focus on who I was outside those expectations. It is a problematic stance to take as a child and a dangerous one as an adult. This mindset and a strong work ethic made an excellent recipe for burnout with a side of identity crisis.
When I was 20, I got my first adult job doing prior authorizations at a long-term care pharmacy. It paid my bills, and I had fun theorizing what I wanted to do with my life. What I thought was a short stint in pharmacy ended up being an 18-year career. By 26, I was a workaholic; by 30, I was convinced it was my environment and needed to move across the country; by 31, I was convinced it was the 24/7 field I was in and pivoted again. The old saying “everywhere you go, there you are” rang true for me. By 33, I was in the same situation I had been in many times: the people-pleasing, problem-fixing workaholic. This time, I decided I was going to make a change. It was the beginning of COVID-19, and I had plenty of never-ending alone time to make myself face the fact that I was creating problems in my life, so I got a therapist.
By the time I had my first call with my therapist, I had a list of what I deemed significant problems in my life and the parties involved. She asked me what I wanted to work on, and I proceeded to word vomit all over her while sobbing for about forty-five minutes. She calmly said it seemed I was suffering from mild depression and PTSD. We set my goals, confirmed the appointment for the following week, and then hung up. I felt so relieved after that call. There is something freeing about being extremely vulnerable to a stranger who can help you see your issues differently. I had been dreading almost every moment of every day of my life for years. Deciding to go to therapy and get help was the first step on my healing journey. Therapy can be extremely confronting and challenging, but it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Here are the top 3 lessons she helped me learn:
1. Your parents are just people trying to figure out how to live amongst their traumas. Forgive them, heal yourself, and make the changes needed to avoid repeating cycles.
2. Open communication is a key to a successful relationship, where both people can express their needs. Contrary to my deep-rooted belief, reading other people’s minds or having them read yours is not a relationship requirement. Use your words, people!
3. My identity is whatever I decide it is. My identity is not decided by others or by my occupation.
By 2021, I was lucky to come out of COVID on a personal high. Finally able to heal some deep-seated wounds, I expanded my horizons. I bought my first home, completed a 200-hour yoga teacher training, and started to grow roots by expanding my community. I knew I had resolved many issues but felt I was repeating the same cycles in my relationships. I knew I had changed for the better, but why was there so much tension in my relationships? I often felt anxious and overwhelmed even though I was using my coping skills. My friend told me about her energy healer who helped her with her anxiety. I was familiar with the chakras from my yoga teacher training and other research I had done, so I was open to meeting her.
During my first session with her, she brought up conflicts I had had with people ten years earlier and explained how the emotional energy of those conflicts was still in my energy field. I was shocked and slightly skeptical, but I didn’t tell her about any of those conflicts, and I could not deny that I felt years lighter. My skin glowed, my eyes shone, and I felt like a new person. I made weekly appointments with her, and after a few months, she told me I could do it, too. I signed up for an introductory pranic healing class and never looked back. Energy healing changed my life. Here are the top three things I have learned from energy healing:
1. Energy healing aligns with holistic approaches by addressing physical, emotional, and mental states. Energy seems a bit weird, but science recognizes the electromagnetic fields generated by the heart and the brain. Is it so odd to believe we have one around our whole body?
2. Everything has an energetic component. Have you ever wondered why a burn deepens after you remove your hand from it? The heat stays in your field after you remove it from the physical object. I have not had a burn mark since I learned energy healing. Have you ever had a particularly emotional day, crashed when you got home, and still woke up exhausted? Your energy is still tied to that experience draining you.
3. Your beliefs create your energy, which creates your reality. Are you a chaos magnet? Do you believe that you thrive in chaos? Do you think you must work hard for everything, unintentionally making things harder for yourself? I did, but now I believe what is meant for me flows to me peacefully.
It's okay to be skeptical; a healthy dose of skepticism drives scientific inquiry. Energy healing is about offering another layer of support that complements, not replaces, traditional medicine. Combining energy healing with therapy and yoga shifted my life at a time when I was going through deep burnout. It brought awareness into my life that I had previously ignored. I could no longer ignore that I was on the wrong path in my career and my values had changed. The good news was that I had finally found my passion – teaching people how to incorporate energy healing into their daily routines to transform their lives. I sold my condo, moved across the country, and resigned from my position. It was bittersweet, but I had never felt lighter.
This last year has been the happiest year of my life. I focused entirely on myself, being intentional, and learning new modalities to continue expanding my life. Pulling my life out of autopilot made me realize how far down the rabbit hole I was, neglecting my basic needs for something that is a blip in the timeline of my life. Here are the top three lessons I’ve learned as a recovered workaholic:
1. You are replaceable to your company. Every company I left moved on without a second thought while I sank deeper into burnout, starting my next job.
2. Optimizing your physical, mental, emotional, and energetic health is essential to your life, not something you should sacrifice for others.
3. People come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime, so those who are meant to stay will stay and let the others go with love.
The most cathartic part of this process has been standing in my power and reclaiming my space. Moving forward, I will attract relationships that fulfill me and align with my values. I hope sharing my story resonates with you and gives you the courage to change if necessary.